When you hear the phrase problems in relationships, the majority of people are in panic and generated a level of tension and difficult to manage anxiety.
But if we assume that the problems in the partner can become a trigger to begin to resolve situations that we are demanding and require greater attention, we can transform these problems the couple in useful tools to overcome any problems.
But… there are methods or techniques to solve the problems in the couple?
In this article I present a very simple method that will help you with any problem you presented in the couple’s life, and I assure you that it will guide you step by step towards the solution of the same.
The method you propose was created and used on countless occasions by Dr. Edward de Bono, Bachelor’s degree in psychology and Physiology from the University of Oxford, with a Ph.d. in medicine from the University of Cambridge, has been written 68 books, translated into 37 languages, disertado in 57 countries traveling an average of 200,000 miles per year. He has held appointments at the universities of Oxford, Cambridge, London and Harvard where he developed his interest in auto-organising of the brain, study which was reflected in the work «mechanism of mind», («the mechanism of mind» ed. Penguin) systems and operation regarded by scientists as the most avant-garde work of the time.
Bonus distinguishes between creative thinking and reactive thinking. Reactive thinking, which considers that relies most of the tradition of Western thought, and consists in the dialogue and dialectic argument and whose usefulness is to respond to a partner, but failed to generate proposals.
Now, take a time and think of your relationship from pareja… thinks:How many times you aplicaste reactive thinking?Or, is how many times has «responded», releasing a tangle of meaningless thoughts, arguments, and palabreríos that had not led to anything? And all this because reaccionaste before any word or phrase that your partner you said. Do and again other problems arise in the couple joined the anteriores.¿En how many times have you found speaking without meaning and without a solution to these situations? reagent behave thus led you to think new alternatives, or you only momentarily served to download your anger, rage, misunderstanding, etc.?
Dr Bonus suggests using «creative thinking». This thought focuses on produce proposals, establish objectives, assess priorities and generate alternatives.
As you can see this creative thinking it is not only to react but that goes beyond and advances in the search for alternatives and solutions to all issues, including for the problems in the couple.
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The method is simple and is called «Six hats to think».
Obviously that is not necessary to use or six hats or only one. These hats are imaginary and are of a different color: white hat, Red Hat, Black Hat, Yellow Hat, Green Hat, blue hat. It is in fact a way of ordering the dialog from which you want to talk about.
The use of hats involve participants, in this case to the couple, you couple, in a kind of mental game.
Below I briefly present the characteristic of each hat and then a few examples that will help you to differentiate between them and to use them.
The white hat: provides an objective look at the data and information. Because the facts are the facts and the reality is the reality.
The Red Hat: the hat legitimizes the feelings, hunches and intuition, without having to be justified.
Black Hat: means critical, negative logic, judgment and prudence. Why can something go wrong.
Yellow Hat: the hat symbolises optimism, positive logic, the feasibility and benefits.
The Green Hat: the hat symbolizes the opportunity to express new concepts, ideas, possibilities, perceptions and invites use creative thinking.
The Blue Hat: the hat of the control and the management of the process of thought.
The method may seem extremely simple and even child – but it works, I will assure you by experience.
Imagine that you the problem arises where to go to live. Applying the method of «six hats to think», obviously that first will be the white hat, which in other words is information and data on everything you need (costs, neighborhood, neighborhood, proximity to work, buy, rent, etc…), later the Red Hat sharing what feel living in particular neighborhood, home, or Department, or country can be put, etc. It is good to also get the Black Hat, because it is indicating what bad things might happen or what criticism would make it the proposal. The Yellow Hat should never miss, because it is this quota of optimism that one always puts to situations and think about all the benefits. The blue hat is the moderator of the dialogue, because sometimes we mix ideas, for example: we are dealing with the sensations or feelings and without warning, we turn to the negatividades. Or sometimes there is too much negativity and you have to put the Green Hat to contribute new ideas.
Is it not astonishing method? Do not you think that you sort communication?. If you don’t want to say out loud the color of the hat, albeit used mentally colors to order you and harmoniously channel of dialogue.