You want to know how to prevent jealousy destroy your marriage? A jealousy is often known as the «green-eyed monster» and with good reason.
The «monster» is fueled by envy and can devour over time trust and harmony in a relationship.
Jealousy has been the subject of numerous sessions of couples therapy. Jealousy is starting to affect your marriage? Discover how to control and regain confidence in your relationship effectively, make love and harmony back to your marriage!
Jealousy spread rapidly and can be fatal to a marriage. Once they arrive jealousy can cause even more jealousy in a spouse, often for trivial things.
Once a comedian said: «My wife’s jealousy are being exaggerated. The other day she was looking at my calendar and wanted to know who in April was «.
One is more prone to jealousy and envy when they feel insecure and fearful. Jealousy brings out the worst in us and make us resent someone else to have what we think we have not – physical, charm, money, prestige, romance, charisma, success.
When we are jealous, the yardstick by which we measure makes us feel that we are not good enough and are «less» than others.
Fear is also involved when we feel jealous – fear that we will never have what the other has, fear of not being as good as the other person, fear of losing your partner, fear of not being attractive or desired and fear They are ridiculed.
Someone once sent me an email telling me their experience with jealousy that tore. Every time his wife arrived a few minutes late, he visualized stopping to flirt with someone at the supermarket or she used that time to secretly call another man.
His rational mind knew that there was nothing on which to base these anxieties, his wife loved him and had never betrayed his trust. But he was unable to stop his fantasies of «worst case scenario».
As we dig deeper into their past experiences, it turned out its first long-term girlfriend in college had secretly cheated with a friend. Therefore, he was transferring his fears of previous experience with his wife.
He became extremely jealous and was afraid that he would lose the same way. Ironically, the marriage had become so unbearable for his wife that she finally turned her affection for another person. Husband’s inability to control his jealousy caused the very thing he feared would happen.
At the time finally came for counseling, his obsessive jealousy had already killed the marriage.
For a marriage to be healthy, must have confidence, and jealousy undermines that confidence. The following seven tips can help keep away from jealousy relationship with your spouse
1. When you feel jealous, immediately tries to identify what triggers insecurity or fear. Is it a fear of abandonment? A fear of not measuring up? Your own insecurities about not feel successful or attractive enough?
When the insecurities and fears are activated, it is more likely exaggerated reactions in a way that could damage the relationship.
2. Instead of focusing on the behavior you want your spouse stops, so you do not feel the uncomfortable pain of jealousy, examine your internal dialogue. Are you telling yourself:
«My wife should not be flirting with him that way,» or «My husband probably leave me for someone else someday»? You can change how you feel by changing what you say about the situation.
3. Take a close look at your past history. Have any of your parents was unfaithful? A former spouse cheated on you? Or you you were unfaithful in the past? If so, you’re probably projecting your past experiences and feelings your spouse present. Try to keep the separate past from present.
4. Do a reality check. Instead of bothering about the future scenario that your mind has created, make a list of exact behaviors that bother you.
Your list might say, «My wife spoke with a single bet you’d just met when we were at our friend’s party. She smiled and laughed and seemed to be having a good time.»
So the purpose of the list of behaviors includes talking, smiling, laughing, and looking like he was having a good time – which is not strange behavior at a party.
5. Stay in the present moment, and keep your imagination controlled before they go too far. You do not want to damage your relationship to accuse your spouse of something he or she did not.
In addition to damage trust and harmony in your marriage, if you routinely accuse your spouse of your imaginary transgressions, you could end up tearing away and your partner for your behavior.
6. Think before you speak. Note the difference between the following two approaches: a.) «I felt abandoned (a) last night at the party when not even spent time with me In fact, if I’m really honest (a), I was starting to feel a little jealous (a) and I do not like that feeling.
Is it really necessary to talk about this with you. » Or B) «I’m sick (a) that always flirt with every man (woman) in sight when we go to a party. People will think you’re the worst. «Think about what approach will be more likely to result in a meaningful discussion.
7. Remember that your spouse chose you, so that he or she found you and your attractive qualities. Also remember that trust and respect for oneself is attractive to others.
When you show jealousy, you present yourself as an insecure and needy person, like you need to continually ensure the commitment of your spouse.
Repeat to yourself, «My wife (or husband) loves me and I chose to spend his life with her. I am fortunate to have a pleasant and attractive couple who loves me. «
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