Love does not prevent crises, but it can become the main element of support, to find a solution.
How the problems are overcome depends on a couple, referring to a conflictive stage, talk about a crisis or perceive it as what was the beginning of the end.
Fear of change.
There are no fixed criteria to be used to determine if a relationship is already at an end. In addition, the longer that union has been and when the rupture affects more people – children are the argument that many people are wishing to continue living, despite the crisis -, the more difficult it will be to make the decision to break.
It could be said that the moment in which a relationship ceases to contribute to the members of the couple that set of elements that propitiated it – affectivity and emotion, security, sexual enjoyment … -, the point of inflection in which Must produce change.
It is not surprising that there are self-deceptions, more or less conscious, that arise as resistance to change, either to rethink the couple and move forward with changes, or to definitely start a separation.
Simple crisis or separation?
Depending on the way in which a crisis is dealt with, how the members of the couple behave before that stage, the union will be strengthened or will be the first phase of the end.
That is to say, before a conflictive phase of the couple the question is not «is this the end?», But «I want it to be the end ?, I am interested in continuing the commitment that this relationship entails?».
In short, a bad run will be only a crisis if it is overcome, but it will become a separation if the union ends. The answer to some questions can give us clues that will help us to make a decision in this difficult conjuncture: I love you?
Do we look together in the same direction, do we have the same goal? Do I feel deep interest in the other person? Do you want it? Do I have total trust in the other? And in the relationship itself? Do I reflect and commit myself to see what I can bring to the other person and our relationship to improve it?
In crisis phase our emotional state is altered; Therefore, let us keep in mind the scope of the decisions, especially if you choose to end the relationship.
Not two people are separated, but sometimes a family with children, a whole network of relationships and friends, economic dependencies, so if the couple encounters obstacles that prevent reflection, it is wise to go to one or one Specialist in issues of couple.
To strengthen the couple.
We must use or develop these skills:
Accept that our life is entirely our responsibility. Do not expect the other partner to make us happy. Our happiness depends, above all, on ourselves. Let us not deceive ourselves.
Knowing that we do not have to solve the other person’s life, looking for solutions, giving him advice and setting the guidelines for how he should live his life.
Learn to listen. For this we must leave what we are doing, empty ourselves of other thoughts that distract our attention and try to put us in its place to understand how it feels.
Learn to dialogue. Our opinion, way of understanding and apprehending reality are not the absolute truth, but ours alone.
Learn to agree. Mine and yours have to be taken into account and debated in order to get to define «ours».
Learn to share. Give each other: ask how you are, what bothers you, what you want and want.
Learn to ask. Showing our vulnerability is the best example of love, since we do not teach it to anyone.
Dedicate specific time for the couple.
Share hobbies, playful times, fantasies and illusions, as well as accompany in sad, hard and painful moments.
Sharing the economy. It is part of the relationship.
Learn to use conflicts and crises, to learn more about ourselves, to see what we need and what the pain we cause in our partner.
Let them be a springboard for development and not stagnation that leads nowhere. Let’s talk as much as necessary, so that the problem is not stuck. There is no greater disaster than silence.
Pamper the couple with pride. The sex, the caresses and the «I love you» have to be said, they have to be made explicit. The misunderstandings are not worth it.
