Love does not prevent crises, but it can become the main element of support, to find a solution. The way in which the problems are overcome will depend on whether a couple, referring to a conflictive stage, speaks of a crisis more or perceives it as what was the beginning of the end.
The way in which each member of the couple faces this period of problems is due to factors such as emotional maturity, the ability to manage conflicts, the duration of the relationship, the networks available to them or the personal moment in which they find themselves.
Fear of change
There are no fixed criteria to which to appeal determine whether a relationship is already at an end. In addition, the longer this union has been and when the rupture affects more people – children are the argument that many people use to continue living, despite the crisis -, it will be harder to make the decision to break.
It could be said that the moment in which a relationship ceases to provide the members of the couple with the set of elements that led to it – affectivity and emotion, security, sexual enjoyment … – the point of inflection is reached. it must produce the change.
Recognize if you are going through a time with serious difficulties or if we are before the beginning of the end of the relationship, it becomes an arduous task for the members of the couple, since immersed in a myriad of emotions, feelings and sensations, it is difficult to calm down. enough to make a quiet reflection that leads them to clarify at what point of the relationship they are.
It is not strange that there are self-deceptions, more or less conscious, that arise as resistance to change, whether to rethink the couple and move forward with changes, or to definitely start a separation.
Simple crisis or separation?
Depending on the way in which a crisis is faced, how the members of the couple behave before that stage, the union will be reinforced or it will be the first phase of the end. That is to say, before a conflictive phase of the couple the question is not «is this the end?», But «do I want it to be the end ?, do I want to continue with the commitment that this relationship implies?».
In short, a bad streak will only be a crisis if it is overcome, but it will become a separation if the union ends. The answer to some questions can give us clues that will help us make a decision in that difficult juncture: Do I love him?
Do we look together in the same direction, do we have the same goal? Do I feel deep interest in the other person? I want it? Do I have total confidence in the other? And in the relationship itself? Do I reflect and commit to see what I can contribute to the other person and our relationship to improve it?
In crisis phase our emotional state is altered; therefore, keep in mind the scope of decisions, especially if you choose to end the relationship.
Two people are not separated, but sometimes a family with children, a whole network of relationships and friends, economic dependencies, so if the couple is with brakes that prevent reflection to prosper, it is convenient to go to one or Specialist in couple issues, to unblock the situation and enable spaces so that the reflection meets the desirable guarantees. It will introduce balance and establish a protocol to help the couple decide better.
To strengthen the couple
We must use or develop these skills:
* Accept that our life is entirely our responsibility. Do not expect the other member of the couple to make us happy. Our happiness depends, above all, on ourselves. Let’s not fool ourselves.
* Know that we do not have to solve the life of the other person, looking for solutions, giving advice and marking the guidelines of how you should live your life.
* Learn to listen. For this we must stop what we are doing, empty ourselves of other thoughts that distract our attention and try to put ourselves in their place to understand how they feel.
* Learn to dialogue. Our opinion, way of understanding and apprehending reality are not the absolute truth, but only ours.
* Learn to agree. What is mine and what is yours must be taken into account and debated in order to be able to define «what is ours».
* Learn to share. Give each other: ask how you are, what makes you uncomfortable, what you want and want.
* Learn to ask. Showing our vulnerability is the best sign of love, since we do not teach it to anyone.
Dedicate specific time for the couple.
* Share hobbies, playful times, fantasies and illusions, as well as accompanying in sad, hard and painful moments.
* Share the economy. It is part of the couple’s relationship.
* Learn to use conflicts and crises, to learn more about ourselves, see what we need and what is the pain that we raise in our partner.
That they are springboard of development and not of stagnation that does not lead anywhere. Let’s talk as necessary, so that the problem is not blocked. There is no greater disaster than silence.
* Pamper the couple with pride. Sex, caresses and «I love you» have to be said, we must make them explicit. The understandings are not valid.