In this article we are going to see the ones that your relationship failed, maybe some of these reasons you saw coming and maybe others did not notice, but it is your duty to analyze them to draw final conclusions and solve them in the future.
Obvious, the infidelity is a very difficult obstacle to save once it has been installed in the couple. Most relationships that harbor infidelity end up badly damaged or end completely. Infidelity is a deep wound in the relationship because, not only implies a sexual disloyalty, but most people who have been infidels, feel a deep pain for the lie.
An infidelity is the breaking of the pact that we made and to which we committed ourselves with the other. It is unilaterally breaking the promise of «belonging» to the other, although such a thing can never be literal except in toxic or pathological relationships. It is true, we do not belong to anyone other than ourselves, but when we establish a couple, sexual loyalty is one of the pillars that is expected from the other.
It is also one of the most difficult promises to maintain if the sexual frequency is not the same or there are unfulfilled fantasies and desires within the sexuality of the couple.
Infidelity implies a lack of confidence from the moment it is discovered, it is a wound that can even be forgiven, but never forgotten … and that is a change. You no longer have the confidence of the other, you have been damaged and you are under a much closer surveillance that can weigh on the couple dynamics.
If they no longer trust you, they will interrogate you, they will disbelieve much of what you say, they will rebuke you and they will take out the infidelity that you committed to the surface on the most unexpected occasions. Any quarrel or discussion will be the trigger for your failure to return to the present, no matter how much time has passed.
It is very difficult to continue with a relationship that has that brake holding the possibility of a happy couple. The continual claims of the other may end with the patience of the infidel, who once discussed the issue on more than one occasion, will feel judged by his action all the time.
Was that the cause of your failure? Could not they solve and overcome an infidelity? Despite having gone to couples therapy, to have forgiven and tried to leave it behind … that shadow pursues your days. True? There you have the number 1 capital sin of the couple relationship.
2. Friends and family.
Friends and family are, in some way, the extended universe of a couple. The problems begin when they get too much into the life and intimacy of a relationship. Mother-in-law, in-laws and brothers-in-law are the enemy’s first row when they enter the lives of two people in an obsessive and possessive way.
Letting them intrude is a flaw that can be committed by the two members of the couple or one, but as if it were a virus, not cutting invasion in time can cost very expensive.
The family constituted is what matters most once you have taken the step. You have to stop being mainly a son and brother to be a partner and father, in the event that this happens. Caring for your innermost core is paramount, THEN come others.
The same happens and happens with friends. You are no longer a single person who can make and break schedules and plans without consulting the other. There is no longer room for untimely interruptions of friends or for long visits that disrupt the routine and intimacy of the couple.
Your house is NOT your friends’ house unless both partners agree on it. You do not have to abandon them, but if the person you have chosen for your life does not get along with your family and friends, you must respect their place and find opportunities to meet them without causing a family conflict … that is. .. OF THE FAMILY YOU HAVE FORMED.
Was that the problem? Were you never able to sail alone as a new family but fathers, mothers, brothers and best friends said, disliked, opined and acted as if your relationship were public domain? And you allowed it?
3. Children in the couple.
They are so expected and so cute when they first arrive. True? Well … or not. The first problem with children is that they arrive when one of the two does not want it, or when it has been forced to appear. To have children, you have to agree to love them, you can not force the other to be a father by your own desire.
If one of the two has to adopt a role that he does not want, he can be resentful even loving with madness the little ones that are arriving. I did not want that role, I was not prepared or had no interest and the responsibility of being parents was immense and eternal.
It may also be that they have agreed but … once the children grow, the educational views can be VERY DIFFERENT. From the type of school to the values that they want to instill in children. Religion or prejudice with sexual orientation. The appreciation of what a child is consented to or not … and, of course, feeling left out as a couple when the children arrive.
It is very common to forget, especially in the case of women, that the role of parents should never obscure the role of couple, lover and partner.
It is true that children are a new world to explore and discover, that bring happiness and pain and that they are the object of a blind love on the part of their parents, but, remember, they are not the only thing.
The children of previous couples can be a big problem to solve also if you can not assemble a family in the best way. There is nothing worse for a couple than the divided and restless heart of the other.
Step that? Did you turn in your children and forget your partner? Did you feel too divided between your offspring and your partner? That is the number 3 capital sin of the couple.
Money money money. One of the engines that move the world. It is assumed that money does not make happiness, but it does help, and whoever does not want the truth is that he covers his eyes.
It is not the same to live as a couple when the economic bonanza helps in the whims and tastes when it is not enough and you have to make sacrifices. The constant concern for an income can end up piercing a happy home. Love goes to the background, although it sounds sad to say it. It is postponed.
Another big problem is the concept that each member of the couple has of a healthy economy, what and how much is necessary and what priorities there are in spending. Having different ideas of the family economy or how to manage and deal with payments, savings and investment funds always ends up being a huge headache.
I think I’ve written about how important communication is more than fifty times. Communication is essential. You have to talk to the other about everything. From difficult and easy subjects, from what you feel, why you feel and how to solve it.
Keeping silence, keeping secrets and resentments is just a sure formula for the failure of a couple. Communicate at all levels, the emotional, through the word, the look and touch, is one of the pillars that holds any relationship.
The lack of communication is, in most cases, the mother of all marital conflicts. Disagreements solidify and become projectiles that throw the other into a discussion. How many times have you heard or said that «Why did not you tell me this before?»
There you have the capital sin number 5 of the couple relationship. And remember that being silent is not an obstacle to being communicative. It can be communicated briefly, the sin is to STOP and not share. It is a gap that will grow larger over the years and leave everyone in their solitary and incommunicado world like two strangers living together under the same roof.
6. Projects and philosophy of life.
It is not something as abstract and impalpable as it seems. When a person grows up, they have dreams and ideals, pending things that they want to do someday and that give a purpose to their life. It is very common to make the mistake of making these dreams disappear in pursuit of the other’s love, to remain self-neglected for giving pleasure and priority to the person you love.
But there comes a time when this generous act takes its toll, and at what price! Any reason that serves to realize that years have been lost from the possibility of carrying out a dream … and will be the «fault of the other.» Do not share projects and philosophy, be incompatible in those fields, or not allow, value and help the other to meet their personal goals while performing their own, and expected equal treatment … would be the couple’s sixth capital sin.
And, finally, sex. It is the most intimate part of the couple’s relationship, but one of the most important. human sexuality is a basic need such as eating or drinking, therefore, dissatisfaction in this field can be carried forward many relationships.
The difference in sexual rhythm, sexual apathy, excess of sexual apatite, different tastes in sexual practices or taboos originate deep conflicts that are not always easy to solve and that, many times, are the origin of infidelity.
That, without forgetting that having sex with a partner means, also, communicating with her at emotional levels much more intense than those that confer the words and that, a person can feel hurt and little valued if he thinks that it is not desired by his partner.
In the end, was this the sin that made you fail in your relationship? The capital sin number 7 of relationships.